0nline: The Liev Schreiber Site

Fan Script

LONG DAY’S SCHREIBER INTO NIGHT

A “Screenplay” by:

Teresa Jusino

DURING OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

INT. DENISE’S LIVINGROOM. DAY.

A TV and on the floor in front of it, DENISE’S socked feet, and AMELIA’S head propped up on her elbows. We only have this view of them throughout the scene. They are watching the “Mmmm. Papa like.” scene from Walking and Talking.

When the scene ends:

AMELIA:

We have to watch that again!

DENISE:

(giggling) I know! I’ve already got the remote…

The video rewinds to the start of the scene. As the scene plays:

AMELIA:

This is crazy. We need to stop this.

DENISE:

Seriously! This is getting to be like crack!

Andrew says the “Papa like” line…

BOTH WOMEN SQUEAL.

DENISE:

I can’t get over that line! It’s so friggin’ cute!

AMELIA turns her head to look at DENISE.

AMELIA:

You’re doing the smile thing…

DENISE:

I can’t help it! It’s Liev!

AMELIA faces the TV again.

AMELIA:

I can’t believe he went to Yale and RADA! He’s hot, he’s a kick-ass actor, and he went to Yale and RADA…he’s fuckin’ perfect!

DENISE:

And he’s a nice, Jewish boy…perfect indeed…

AMELIA:

Oh, Lord have mercy!

DENISE:

Leave me alone! I can dream, can’t I?

AMELIA:

Well, so can I, and in my dream, he’s Catholic!

DENISE:

Oh, whatever!

Pause.

AMELIA:

(mocking) Gee, you think if we got into Yale, we’d get to say cool lines like “Mmm! Papa like!”?

Both giggle.

AMELIA:

Or wear really tight leather pants?

DENISE:

That’s toward the end of the movie, dear…

Beat.

AMELIA:

Oh, I need to see that now!! Fast forward it! Fast forward it!

DENISE:

(laughing) OK! OK!

As the video is fast forwarding:

FADE TO BLACK.

Title Card:

THE DAYTRIPPERS

INT. AU BON PAIN. EVE.

MED. C-U of DENISE and AMELIA at a table with their food.

They are both in their early twenties and aspiring actresses.

In between bites of food, they are bantering back and forth playing a game…

AMELIA:

Sleepers.

DENISE:

Um…Robert DeNiro.

AMELIA:

Wag the Dog.

DENISE:

Dustin Hoffman.

AMELIA:

Kramer vs. Kramer.

Pause. As she thinks, DENISE takes another bite of her sandwich and chews slowly to stall…

AMELIA:

(thinking she hasn’t been heard) Kramer vs. Kramer…

DENISE:

I heard you the first time! Hold on…

AMELIA:

C’mon. You’re holding up the rhythm of the game! Kramer vs. Kramer…

DENISE:

I’m thinking!

AMELIA:

Don’t try to come up with someone obscure just to mess me up – go ahead…

DENISE:

(sheepishly) I’ve never seen Kramer vs. Kramer.

AMELIA:

You’ve never seen Kramer vs. Kramer?! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! (smiles) We’ll rent it soon…but just name someone from the movie. You have to be able to name someone in it…

DENISE:

I can’t…

AMELIA:

(can’t believe it!) Oh come on!

DENISE:

I just don’t know that movie at all…

AMELIA:

Amelia! You said Dustin Hoffman, I said Kramer vs. Kramer….who’s the other Kramer?!

DENISE:

(bowing her head in shame) I don’t know!

AMELIA:

(looking intently at her) Meryl Streep, Amelia…Meryl Streep.

DENISE:

(smacking her forehead) Oh! Was she in it?

AMELIA:

Was she in it?! She only won the Oscar! You are so pitiful…

DENISE:

Well I’m sorry, Miss Movie Trivia…some of us are human.

AMELIA:

Movie trivia?! It’s Meryl friggin’ Streep! (picks up her sandwich) Hopeless…absolutely hopeless…

Silence between the two as they eat. Suddenly, AMELIA looks at DENISE and smiles.

AMELIA:

(purposely) Liev Schreiber.

C-U of DENISE. Her mouth slowly begins to expand into a wide grin, but she looks as though she’s trying to stifle it. Finally, an ear-to-ear grin that she can’t suppress.

AMELIA:

You are so funny! I can’t even say his name without you doing the smile thing.

DENISE:

(still smiling) Well? You can’t do that! You can’t just say his name without preparing me…that’s not fair.

Pause.

DENISE:

You realize that we’re both on crack for even doing this, right?

AMELIA:

Well, crack is kind of strong…I wouldn’t go past, like, whiteout…

DENISE:

Well, let’s see…we’re ready to go to the Public Theater more than three hours before we even have to be there to get same day rush tickets, and we’ve already seen Hamlet once. We totally made asses out of ourselves in the lobby of the Public last time, because we were the only ones there waiting for his autograph – and when he finally did come out, neither one of us made a move, so we stood there and looked like asses for nothing…

AMELIA:

Well, who's fault was that?!

DENISE:

You were ready to be a stalker!

AMELIA:

A stalker?! I wanted his autograph! That’s not stalking! You wanted to meet him, too.

DENISE:

Yeah, but that would have been bad. We probably would’ve been bothering him…

AMELIA:

Well, look. The only reason I’m seeing it again, aside from seeing him in that sleeveless shirt at the end of the show again…

Both shudder in delight at the memory.

AMELIA:

The only reason I’m seeing this show again is for you. You need to get over this fear of talking to celebrities. I mean I love him, too! But that makes me want to talk to him…

DENISE:

Yeah, but you don’t love him as much as I do…

AMELIA:

What?!

DENISE:

Well, I found him first! You didn’t even really know who he was before we saw Hamlet last week.

AMELIA:

So what?! I know him now. And I’m glad I know him now from his classical stage work, and not from, like, Scream.

DENISE:

Anyway, you get scary around celebrities. Whenever we stand by stage doors to get autographs or whatever, you stand there talking to them as if you were best friends.

AMELIA:

And why not? Celebrity actors are just colleagues I haven’t worked with yet.

DENISE:

(getting up to go get napkins) Dream on, girl. Anyway, you want anything while I’m up?

AMELIA:

No, I’m good. Thanks.

DENISE goes to the napkin stand.

MED. C-U of AMELIA eating her sandwich. She looks up and notices a WAIFISH BRUNETTE rush into the restaurant and walk past her table to get to the sandwich counter. AMELIA looks as though she might recognize her. DENISE returns and sits.

AMELIA:

(leaning in, whispering) Look at that woman who just came in. The one who’s ordering a sandwich right now…

DENISE:

(craning her neck to look) The one in the green coat?

AMELIA:

Yeah…does she look familiar to you?

DENISE knits her eyebrows in thought.

DENISE:

No, not real….(realizing) Hey wait a minute! She does, now that she just turned her head…where do we know her from…?

Both women pause in thought. AMELIA’S face lights up with the answer.

AMELIA:

Ophelia!

DENISE:

What?

AMELIA:

That’s Ophelia from Liev’s production of Hamlet! What was her name….? Lynn Collins?

DENISE:

(recognizing her) Oh my God! That is her! (turning to AMELIA) She’s probably going to the theater right now!

AMELIA:

It’s kind of early for her to be getting there, though. Let’s not forget, the only reason we’re going this early is because we’re insane and we desperately want tickets.

DENISE:

True. But God, I would love to be in her shoes! Imagine, getting to do Shakespeare in a well-known New York theater, and getting to work with Liev every night!

AMELIA:

I thought you hated performing Shakespeare.

DENISE:

For Liev, I’d perform friggin’ Shakespeare!

We see LYNN getting her sandwich and approaching the cashier to pay.

C-U of AMELIA and DENISE.

AMELIA:

Oh my God, I have to talk to her!

DENISE:

You have to talk to everybody! Can’t you just let the woman get a sandwich?

AMELIA:

(getting up) I didn’t stop her from getting the sandwich, did I?

AMELIA walks over to the cashier, and waits for LYNN to finish paying. Then:

AMELIA:

(approaching her) Excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you, but…are you in the Public’s production of Hamlet?

LYNN:

(smiling at the recognition) Yes. Yes I am.

AMELIA:

I thought so! It’s great to meet you. My friend over there and I saw the production a few days ago, and we loved it. You were fabulous!

LYNN:

Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

AMELIA:

Actually, Denise, my friend over there…

LONG SHOT of DENISE from AMELIA’S POV. She’s staring at them. When she realizes that AMELIA’S pointing at her, she quickly turns her head.

AMELIA (o/s):

…really loved your performance. Just before, she was telling me that she swears that you’re the ‘next big thing.’ She wanted to come over and talk to you personally, but she’s really shy. Would you mind coming over and giving her an autograph?

MED C-U of AMELIA and LYNN.

LYNN:

Oh, that’s so sweet! Sure I will!

They begin to walk over.

C-U of DENISE who turns and can’t believe they’re coming over.

LYNN:

(to DENISE) Your friend told me about you wanting to come over and talk to me…

C-U of DENISE shooting AMELIA a dirty look.

C-U of AMELIA shrugging – I had to get her over here somehow!

LYNN:

…and I thought that was so sweet! I’d be happy to give you an autograph.

DENISE:

(embarrassed) Well, I don’t really have anything for you to sign…

LYNN:

You know what? I think I threw a program into my bag last night…

LYNN puts her things down and begins to rummage through her bag. DENISE looks at AMELIA – pissed.

LYNN:

…my mom came to see the show last night, again, and I remember flinging her program in with my stuff in the dressing room…

AMELIA:

(amused by DENISE’S embarrassment) OK, I have to ask…what’s it like working with Liev Schreiber? Any interesting stories?

LYNN chuckles as she finds the program and feels around her bag for a pen.

LYNN:

(smiling) Nothing he’d want me to tell people about…

DENISE and AMELIA smile – this is the good stuff…

LYNN;

But, yeah, Liev is great. He’s a wonderful actor to work with – very generous…and he’s just a really nice guy. I don’t think I could have asked for a better Hamlet. Except maybe Olivier…but he wasn’t available.

LYNN finds a pen, and autographs the program.

AMELIA:

Any advice for a couple of aspiring actresses?

LYNN:

Are you really? Well, good luck! Let’s see…it’s hard to be profound on the spot, but a wise person once told me something that I love to apply to my acting career.

DENISE:

What?

LYNN:

“Someone in this world has to be successful – there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be me.”

AMELIA:

Damn right!!

LYNN hands the program to DENISE, who accepts it sheepishly.

LYNN:

Well, there you go. And I look forward to working with you sometime…

DENISE:

Me too.

LYNN:

(to AMELIA) You are such a great friend to ask me to come over here for her…

DENISE:

(oozing sarcasm) Yeah, she’s a peach!

AMELIA:

Well, it was great meeting you. Break a leg tonight. Hopefully we’ll be getting rush tickets later on, so we’ll be seeing you again.

LYNN:

Wow! Twice? I’m flattered! Well, good luck with that. Have a good night!

AMELIA AND DENISE:

‘Night!

LYNN exits. Beat.

DENISE:

Thanks a lot, Amelia! What the hell is wrong with you?!

AMELIA:

(bursts out laughing) She gave you her mom’s program…that’s so sweet!

DENISE:

Why did you do that?!

AMELIA:

Oh don’t freak! I just wanted to get her talking long enough to try to get some Liev info. She seemed nice. And hey, now you have another autograph for your collection.

DENISE:

Yeah. Too bad I thought she sucked!

AMELIA sits in her seat. She gathers up her garbage.

AMELIA:

Well, since we’re in the realm of acting conversation…I decided something yesterday.

AMELIA returns to her seat

DENISE:

What? Did you decide to trade in acting for a more glamorous career in waste management?

AMELIA:

That’s what I love about you – your optimism…anyway, I’ve decided to apply to Yale Drama for graduate school.

Pause. DENISE looks at AMELIA wondering if this is a joke or not.

DENISE:

Are you serious?

AMELIA:

Yeah, I am. I mean, I know I probably don’t have a chance of getting in, but…I might as well, right?

DENISE:

Well, if you want to put yourself through that…

Pause.

AMELIA:

What’s that supposed to mean?

DENISE:

It’s not supposed to mean anything. It’s just that you have to come up with audition pieces and work them and do all that paperwork…it’s a lot of work to put in only to not…

AMELIA:

…get in? Gee, all that faith in me, and no where to put it….

DENISE:

Well, you said yourself that you didn’t have a chance of getting in…and Yale even turns down really talented people because it’s so selective.

AMELIA:

(sarcastic) So imagine what I’m in for! I mean if they’re turning really talented people down…

DENISE:

I’m sorry. That came out totally wrong! I didn’t mean it like that…

AMELIA:

Whatever. It’s OK.

Silence between the two for a moment. DENISE slowly finishes her meal and throws away the trash. AMELIA is visibly disappointed that DENISE wasn’t more enthusiastic about her Yale news. DENISE returns and sits.

DENISE:

(trying to lighten the mood) In two and a half hours, we’ll be seeing Liev again!

AMELIA tries to suppress a smile, but she can’t.

AMELIA:

We are aren’t we! (pause) OK, let’s go! I can’t stand it anymore!

DENISE:

Oh, we’ve got plenty of time! The theater’s a block away!

AMELIA:

I know, but I want to be the first people on line!

DENISE:

Fine. Let’s get out of here.

Both get up and put their jackets on.

AMELIA:

And this time, we’re going to talk to him! No chickening out! OK?

DENISE:

Hey! You’ve already proved that you don’t need me to talk to an actor.

AMELIA:

I know, but still…you’re doing it!

DENISE:

(already walking out the door) Sure. Whatever.

AMELIA:

(heading out after her) Hey! You are…!

FADE TO BLACK.

Title Card:

HAMLET

EXT. PUBLIC THEATER. EVE.

AMELIA and DENISE approach the front doors of the theater.

AMELIA:

This is awesome! (checks watch) It’s 5:30, we’re here two hours before rush tickets go on sale…we are so gonna get in to see the show tonight!

They enter the theater, and turn toward the box office. There are already about 30 people sitting in front of the ticket window.

MED. C-U of AMELIA and DENISE – disbelief, disappointment, and amusement at their own folly all at once…

DENISE:

(mimicking) There won’t be anyone here, she says! If we get there early enough, we’re sure to get in, she says!

AMELIA:

Oh, shut up!

AMELIA marches over to the end of the line and plops herself down on the end of the seat. As DENISE sits on the floor next to her…

AMELIA:

Do you want to go to the window and ask the woman how many rush tickets they’ve got available today?

DENISE sighs. No she doesn’t, actually…but she goes anyway.

The TICKET WOMAN looks very tired…

DENISE:

Excuse me, Miss. My friend and I just joined the end of the line…what are our chances of getting tickets to the 8:00 performance of Hamlet tonight?

TICKET WOMAN:

None.

Pause.

DENISE:

Do you think you could elaborate just a teensy bit?

TICKET WOMAN:

(big sigh – holding up a list) See this? These are the names of all the people who’ve been putting their names on a waiting list for this show since 9:30 this morning…now, tonight is closing night. It’s sold out. But even if by some miracle some people who already reserved tickets don’t pick them up, I still have to go through this list before I even get to the line…so you basically have a donut’s chance in my intestines of seeing this show….

DENISE:

Thanks for the imagery. My day just wasn’t complete…

DENISE returns to AMELIA.

DENISE:

We’re not getting in…

AMELIA:

What?! There aren’t that many of us on this line!

DENISE:

(hopeless sigh) It’s sold out, and there’s a waiting list.

DENISE just stands there. AMELIA just sits there. They remain silent as they both contemplate their hopeless situation.

After a few seconds, AMELIA rises wordlessly from her seat and goes to the ticket window herself…

AMELIA:

Is it true that there’s a waiting list already?

TICKET WOMAN:

That’s what I told your friend…

AMELIA:

Since when can anyone just put their name on a waiting list and not have to stand in line?!

TICKET WOMAN:

Since we instilled the policy on opening day of the Public!

AMELIA:

Well, I didn’t know about it…!

TICKET WOMAN:

(slightly irritated) Oh, I’m sorry…did we forget to call you?

AMELIA, irritated herself, turns and goes back to her seat. DENISE can’t help but smile at her friend’s “valiant” attempt.

DENISE:

Did we not get the result we wanted?

AMELIA:

Oh, leave me alone! I’m thinking! And if you’re not gonna help….!

DENISE:

OK! OK!

More silence as AMELIA thinks. Seeing that this might take a while, DENISE removes a copy of Time Out New York (with Liev Schreiber on the cover) and begins to read it.

After a few more seconds, AMELIA gets up and goes to the ticket window again.

AMELIA:

Hey…um…look. Do you think there is any way that we can get tickets tonight? I mean, any way at all?

TICKET WOMAN:

(with a trace of annoyance) Now look, you can sit in line…maybe God will put you in His good graces and a couple of people on the waiting list won’t come back for their tickets. Or, you can choose to see another show here – the play “Space” is playing in our other theater. Or you can go home and spend the evening painting your toenails! But whatever you end up doing, do you think you could stop hounding me about this one play? I mean, you act like you can never see another production of Hamlet! What…is it because that guy, Leev Shreeber, is in it…?

AMELIA:

(pissy) It’s Li-ev Shraibur!

AMELIA turns and returns to her seat once again. DENISE is careful this time to smile behind her magazine so AMELIA doesn’t get even angrier…a few seconds go by…

AMELIA’S last stand. She approaches the ticket window one more time.

AMELIA:

(looks at ticket woman’s name tag) OK, Tracy. May I call you Tracy? My name’s Denise. OK, Tracy, let me tell you a little story… Once there was a little boy – we’ll call him Bobby – and this boy, Bobby, had a very unfortunate childhood. He was abandoned as a baby, and was bounced around from foster home to foster home. Now, I don’t know if you know anything about the child welfare system, Tracy, but sometimes children fall through the cracks. Poor Bobby ended up in a very abusive household. And so he entered his teenage years very insecure, developing an awkward, nervous twitch. Now, high school is brutal enough without a nervous twitch to worry about – he soon became the laughing stock of the school. “Twitchy” they called him. Sad, really. And so day in and day out he was “Twitchy” at school, and “dumb fuck” when he got home. He never dated…never had any friends…He graduated high school, and his foster parents kicked him out of the house. He wasn’t their responsibility any more, after all. And so he wandered the streets of New York, digging in garbage cans for food. One day, in one of those garbage cans, he found an old baseball bat, and he just…snapped. He ran through Rockefeller Plaza swinging at anything that moved – and as the police were dragging Bobby away, he could be heard screaming: “I AM the Pumpkin King! I AM the Pumpkin King!”

AMELIA sighs in mock sorrow.

AMELIA:

…but as crazy as Bobby ended up…

AMELIA slams her hands against the box office window, pressing her face against it.

AMELIA:

…he wasn’t HALF AS CRAZY AS I’M GONNA GET IF YOU DON’T SELL ME THOSE TICKETS!!! (smacks her hands against the glass in desperation) SELL ME THE TICKETS! SELL ME THE FRIGGIN’ TICKETS!!!

As she continues to rant, DENISE runs up behind her and begins to pull her away, looking apologetically at TRACY. AMELIA doesn’t stop flailing easily.

DENISE:

(pulling DENISE to a seat in the lobby) It’s OK! Calm down! It’s not the end of the world…

AMELIA:

(whining) God! Why?! Why can’t I just see the stinking play? For goodness’ sake…!

DENISE sits her down on a seat in the lobby.

AMELIA:

…am I so horrible?! Did I do something so wrong?! I went to all the trouble of getting here early…

DENISE:

(kneeling in front of her) OK, look…I think this sucks, too! But there’s really nothing we can do, and we can’t just sit here all night. Now, I’m going to go over there and use my ticket money to get a poster, so I at least have some kind of good come out of this. You think about what else you want to do tonight. OK? We’ll go hang out somewhere.

AMELIA:

(sighing) Fine…

AMELIA slumps in the seat. DENISE shakes her head, and goes to the gift shop.

DENISE:

(to the saleswoman) Posters are fifteen, right?

SALESWOMAN:

Yeah. Would you like one?

DENISE:

Yes, please…

The SALESWOMAN goes to the cabinet where the posters are kept and goes about taking a poster out. DENISE looks around in her wallet for the money. As they are going about their business, another Public Theater female EMPLOYEE approaches the gift shop. She begins to make conversation with the SALESWOMAN – DENISE can’t help but overhear…

EMPLOYEE:

(to SALESWOMAN) Damn! I hate snotty actors!

SALESWOMAN:

(removing a roll of posters from the cabinet) What happened now?

EMPLOYEE:

No, nothing happened…but just now one of the guys in that play “Space” walked past me, I said “hi”, and he looked at me as if he’s never seen me before and didn’t say anything…just walked on by. Ugh! Some of them are just so full of themselves that they forget to even notice anyone else!

DENISE smiles to herself. As SALESWOMAN unrolls a poster, EMPLOYEE notices who it’s a poster of.

EMPLOYEE:

(pointing to Liev’s picture) Now that guy can talk!

DENISE perks her head up as she hears conversation about Liev.

DENISE:

(smiling – to EMPLOYEE) He talks a lot?

EMPLOYEE:

Oh yeah! He won’t shut up! He’s a really nice guy, though…never forgets to say hello. Very good with names – which is a shame considering that for the first three weeks he was here, I totally didn’t know who he was and I couldn’t pronounce his name!

DENISE:

(chuckling) Do you know where he comes out when the show is over?

SALESWOMAN fully rolls open the really large poster and shows it to DENISE.

SALESWOMAN:

Is this one OK?

DENISE:

(shocked at the size of it) Um…yeah! That one’s cool. I don’t know where I’ll put it, but…uh! It’s nothing but his beautiful face! I love it!

SALESWOMAN:

(to EMPLOYEE – mocking) Uh-oh! She’s one of those!

Laughs all around. SALESWOMAN rolls up the poster and hands it to DENISE. DENISE pays for it and gets her change.

EMPLOYEE:

(to DENISE) Oh, by the way….he just comes out through the lobby and out the front doors. All the actors do. But I don’t know when he’ll come out tonight…I heard he has guests.

DENISE:

Thanks a lot.

DENISE goes back to AMELIA, who is still a lump, with her new poster. She rolls it out full size for AMELIA.

DENISE:

This is a big motherfucker!

AMELIA:

Holy crap! Where the hell are you gonna put it?

DENISE:

(rolling it again) I’ll find a place! I just wanted to have it. Anyway, those two women over there were talking about him…one of them says he talks a lot. She says he’s “a really nice guy.

AMELIA:

Of course! He’s Liev! (getting depressed again) And we could have seen him again tonight and actually met him! Ugh!

DENISE:

(rolling her eyes) OK! But this is getting us nowhere, so what do you want to do?

AMELIA:

I need a frappucino…

DENISE:

Fine! Come on – we’ll take a walk, we’ll end up at Starbucks, and you can have as many frappuccinos as you want.

AMELIA:

(clutching the seat) But I can’t…leave!!!

DENISE:

OK, am I gonna be catering to you all night?

AMELIA:

(prying herself off the seat) OK! Let’s go!

AMELIA marches out of the Public, forcing herself to leave the theater (and Liev) behind. DENISE follows behind her.

Title Card:

WALKING AND TALKING

EXT. A NYC STREET. EVE.

MED C-U of AMELIA and DENISE taking a walk in the cold December air. DENISE is visibly very cold – teeth chattering, hands in pockets, poster held under her arm – while AMELIA walks as though she’s on a mission. Her face is very determined.

DENISE:

Why don’t we just go back to your apartment to think. It’s freezing out here!

AMELIA:

I am not going home until we do something cool! I am going to have an adventure tonight if we freeze to death!

DENISE:

And we just might. (pause) Why don’t we go see a movie or something?

AMELIA:

(big sigh) We always go to a movie! Tonight, I was ready for an adventure. I was ready to go see a great play, then meet my all-time favorite actor…I was ready for tonight to be a cool night! And if we can’t meet Liev, I’m not settling for anything less than adventurous!

DENISE throws AMELIA an amused look.

DENISE:

(smiles) Remember the Iowa Boys?

AMELIA:

Remember them! I still have wet dreams about them…I mean, we just happened to be at Swing 46 with Mary taking the swing dancing lessons, and all of a sudden the three of us randomly get hooked up with three hot guys on Spring Break who happen to be perfect for us! Walking up and down the streets of New York singing showtunes…talking…laughing…. and we never saw them again…but how perfect was that night?!

DENISE:

But like you said…all that stuff just happened to happen. You can’t go around planning adventures…

AMELIA:

I refuse to believe that we’re missing out on Liev for no reason. This has to just be the set-up for something big and fabulous that’s destined to happen tonight!

DENISE raises an eyebrow.

AMELIA:

Look, I’m disappointed, I’m depressed…and we are doing something exciting to get me out of this funk. So start thinking. And no movies!

DENISE:

(humoring her) Alright. Alright. I’m thinking.

The two of them walk in silence for a long moment. AMELIA throws her head back in frustration. DENISE looks around aimlessly.

AMELIA:

This is pitiful!! How boring are we that we can’t come up with something cool to do?!

DENISE:

Oh, stop it! What are you expecting to do tonight?! What are you expecting to happen?

AMELIA shrugs.

Pause.

More walking in silence. They turn a corner.

AMELIA:

So what should I do for my audition?

DENISE:

What audition?

AMELIA:

Yale!

DENISE:

That was, like, 20 conversations ago..

AMELIA:

Come on! It’s important!

DENISE:

(smiles) It’s a bit early, isn’t it?

AMELIA:

It’s never too early! Now, help me. Think.

DENISE:

God, it seems like I’m always doing your thinking for you…

AMELIA:

Well fine, don’t help…

DENISE:

Oh, I was kidding! Sheesh!

AMELIA rolls her eyes.

DENISE:

What about that Christopher Durang one you did in class?

AMELIA:

I am not doing the Woman With the Tunafish monologue for Yale!

DENISE:

What about that one you did for your last audition?

AMELIA:

I kinda want to do something new…

DENISE:

Do you know what the requirements are?

AMELIA:

I have to do one Shakespeare and one contemporary. And they have to be good.

DENISE:

Ooh! Speaking of auditions, I was thinking about…

AMELIA:

(not listening) You know, I really like doing Baby With the Bathwater – you know that Durang play, right?

DENISE:

But I thought you said…

AMELIA:

But everyone does him! Ugh! I do like his stuff. But he’s so “typically college”…

DENISE:

Why don’t you do…

AMELIA:

Ugh! This is so hard! And I have no idea what Shakespeare I'll do…

DENISE rolls her eyes, frustrated that she now can’t get a word in edgewise. AMELIA is oblivious to this as she continues to think about Yale.

AMELLA:

Oh, to hell with it! I’ll figure this out some other time.

Pause.

DENISE:

What do you think about me auditioning for Julliard?

AMELIA:

(not even thinking about it) Sure. Why not.

They continue walking. Suddenly, AMELIA trips.

DENISE:

(helping her regain balance) Are you OK?

AMELIA:

Yeah, I’m fine. (looking behind her) But what the hell did I trip over?

DENISE:

I don’t see anything…

AMELIA:

(continuing to walk) Ugh! What is up with tonight?! I can’t meet Liev, my night is wasted, I’m falling all over my own feet…

As they walk, they come upon MARK, a young, attractive comedy club promoter who is pacing up and down the sidewalk trying to sell tickets to a club. He spots them, and tries his pitch.

MARK:

Hey! How are you two lovely ladies doing this evening?

DENISE AND AMELIA:

(roll their eyes, smile, continue to walk) Fine…

MARK catches up and blocks them off.

MARK:

Don’t hurry away! It’s not very often that I come into contact with such beauty…let me bask in it a little.

AMELIA and DENISE look at each other, smiling. DENISE raises her eyebrow to acknowledge how attractive MARK is, but looks skeptical about his approach. AMELIA, on the other hand, seems smitten.

AMELIA:

(good-naturedly) Is there something you wanted?

MARK throws up his hands in mock surrender.

MARK:

Beautiful and smart…OK, you got me. I represent this club on 22^nd called “Stand-Up Comics…”

DENISE:

The club is called ‘stand-up comics?’

MARK:

Yeah. Well, not “Stand-Up Comics” like stand-up comics. “Stand-Up Comics” as in stand up comics. You know, like upstanding? Like, stand-up good guys?

MED C-U of AMELIA and DENISE smirking, amused by his pitiful explanation.

MARK:

(with bravado) And if you think that’s funny, imagine the club!

The women giggle.

MARK:

But seriously, it’s a great place. If you’ve got nothing to do tonight, we’ve got some hilarious comedians on tonight, you can get a ticket that admits two for five bucks…what have you got to lose?

AMELIA:

Five bucks.

MARK:

Good one. Are you sure you’ve never appeared at our club before?

AMELIA:

Ha, ha.

MARK:

(removing tickets from his messenger bag) Come on. Five bucks, and both of you could have a really good time. There’s no drink minimum…I’ll even throw in a hug for free.

AMELIA:

(smiling) I’ll take that free hug in advance, please.

MARK gives AMELIA a big hug as DENISE looks on, smiling and shaking her head at the shameless flirting going on.

MARK:

(releasing AMELIA) So can I count on you two to be there tonight?

AMELIA and DENISE look at each other, questioning. Finally:

AMELIA:

(to MARK, taking out $5) Why the hell not! Believe me, we have nothing else to do tonight.

MARK:

(giving her the ticket) Fabulous! You’re gonna have a great time, I promise. That ticket is for the 11:30 show tonight. Have a great time!

DENISE:

Thanks!

AMELIA:

Hey, what’s your name anyway?

MARK:

Mark Copeland (bows) at your service.

AMELIA:

So, Mark Copeland, do you work on this street often?

MARK:

Just about every night…you can’t beat the people!

Big smile from AMELIA.

AMELIA:

Well, I’m Amelia (shakes his hand) and this is my friend, Denise…

DENISE shakes his hand.

AMELIA:

…Maybe we’ll see you around some other time?

MARK:

Yeah, maybe. I’ll definitely be around…It was great meeting you.

DENISE:

Same here.

AMELIA:

Definitely. See you around.

They leave MARK behind – AMELIA with a huge smile on her face, DENISE looking at her in disbelief. Once they’re out of MARK’S earshot:

AMELIA:

He totally wanted me. I told you! Adventure.

DENISE:

Are you kidding? He probably acts that way all the time to sell tickets! He was addressing me, too.

AMELIA:

Yeah, but he hugged me.

DENISE:

Only after you asked him to…

AMELIA:

What’s that supposed to mean?

DENISE:

Nothing! It’s just…never mind.

AMELIA:

You just don’t want to admit that he was into me.

DENISE rolls her eyes to herself.

AMELIA:

I really want that frappuccino now! Let’s go to Starbucks.

AMELIA begins to speed-walk.

C-U of DENISE as she sighs, shakes her head to herself, and tries to catch up.

CUT TO:

INT. STARBUCKS. EVE.

PAN a long line of Starbucks customers until we see AMELIA and DENISE just coming off it. AMELIA looks very obviously peeved.

AMELIA:

All I wanted was a friggin’ coffee drink. That’s all I wanted in this whole wide world. I can’t see Liev, all I wanted is a frappuccino to drown my sorrows, and these people are taking their sweet-ass time ordering as if they’ve never been to a Starbucks before…

DENISE:

(rolling her eyes) Oh God, if all you’re gonna do is complain…

AMELIA:

(recovering – lifting her head) Sorry. Sorry. I’m fine. Really.

Pause. They find a table and sit.

DENISE:

It’s true, though. You really can tell the tourists at a Starbucks. (put-on “Southern hick” drawl) ‘Ex-ca-use may! Cayn ah hayve a maydium cawfih?’

AMELIA:

Yeah. As if you could just order ‘coffee’ at Starbucks.

DENISE:

I know. And a “medium”? Please! It’s ‘grande’, people! ‘Tall’

and ‘grande.’ Not that hard.

Pause. Both women sip their drinks.

DENISE:

So, now that we have hours to kill, what do you want to do in the mean time?

AMELIA:

(sullenly sucking her straw) I don’t know…

DENISE:

We could always go see a movie. Wanna see “The Hurricane”? Liev’s in that.

AMELIA:

What'd I tell you about seeing a movie?! (depressed and whiny) Oh, I don’t know…I guess I was just too hyped up for this. I really wanted to meet him! Especially after screwing up the chance last time. Ugh!

AMELIA grabs her drink in disgust. In picking up the cup too quickly, the top comes off, and some frappuccino spills onto AMELIA’S dress. She jumps up to wipe herself off. DENISE tries to hold back a giggle and pass AMELIA napkins at the same time.

AMELIA:

UGH! What is up with tonight?! I hate my life…

DENISE:

Oh, you do not hate your life…

AMELIA:

No, I really do! I feel like I’m living a really bad movie! (sits) I’m the protagonist, and you’re the best-friend-slash-sidekick, and there’s a night full of comical mishaps…

DENISE:

Why do I have to be the sidekick?

AMELIA:

Because it’s my movie. (quick smile) But if this were a movie something really cool would’ve happened to us already.

DENISE:

Well, the night is still young…

Suddenly, AMELIA gets an inspired look on her face and smiles. DENISE is curious.

DENISE:

What?

AMELIA:

I was just thinking – the night is still young. Hamlet hasn’t even started yet…

We can go back to the Public when the show is over, grab a Stagebill, and still meet Liev!

DENISE:

Oh no! I’m not going to stand there after not having been in the audience and stand there looking like an idiot!

AMELIA:

Oh, come on! Like he’ll remember if we were in the audience or not! Besides, you have that poster that you just got, so it’ll look like we were just there. It’ll be fun!

DENISE:

No! That’s just dumb! I’m not gonna do that!

AMELIA:

You wanted to meet him, didn't you?! And now you’re too scared to go for it…

DENISE:

Don’t try to psych me out with your reverse psychology bullshit. I’m not doing it! Besides, we have that comedy show to get to.

AMELIA:

That’s not until 11:30! Don’t give me that!

DENISE:

No.

AMELIA:

Come on!

DENISE:

No.

AMELIA:

You know you’re dying to!

DENISE:

No!!

DISSOLVE from the women sitting at a table with one drink each, to them sitting at a table covered in used cups – the passage of hours.

Silence. Then suddenly:

AMELIA:

So, how ‘bout this. How about we go to the Public and wait for Liev to come out and get his autograph?

DENISE:

For the last time! No!

AMELIA:

(looking at her watch) Look! It’s almost time for the show to be over. (leaning into DENISE) The theater is right over there. We’re here anyway. We don’t have to be anywhere until 11:30. Come on!

DENISE:

(surrendering) I just don’t want to look like an idiot in front of him.

AMELIA:

You’re not gonna look like an idiot! There is no chance that you’re gonna look like an idiot in front of him tonight! OK?

DENISE cringes, but then nods in agreement.

AMELIA:

Good! Now, we’d better get over there now and take our positions at the door. He’s not getting away this time!

DENISE:

(standing-putting on her coat) There you go sounding like a stalker again!

AMELIA:

Oh, will you stop it!

AMELIA gets up and puts on her coat. She takes her unfinished frappuccino with her along with the cumbersome poster, and the women leave Starbucks.

CUT TO:

Continued...

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